A lot of people want to do research on Duck Tape, which is good. We have loads of info for them. But there are some pieces of information that we can't give out. Sure, this may not sit well with the researchers, but there are some things we need to keep private. You don't go around telling everyone absolutely everything about yourself do you? You do? Maybe you shouldn't. There are some things people just shouldn't know.
Our little secrets that we can't divulge:
- Information on international strategy or sales. If you want international strategy, watch Olympic hockey. We can't tell you ours.
- Details on our operating plans and budgets. Its pretty boring stuff anyway. Why would you want to know?
- Pricing and pricing strategy information. You can understand that we can't give you this info, right? This is our livelihood, you know?
- Manufacturing, inventory and testing info. The basic manufacturing process is here. That should be all you need to know.
- Sales projections or other financial projections. These aren't really facts anyway -- just our estimates of the future. Feel free to do your own.
- Interviews. We work hard to make Duck Tape the world's favorite way to fix things. Unfortunately, we can't take time off to participate in interviews. We wish we could -- really.
- Participation in surveys, fact checking or paper review. Sorry, but we just can't get involved, no matter how nicely you ask us.
We have complete faith that your research will turn out just fine without the above information. How can we be so sure? You're a Duck Tape fan -- smart, sensible and resourceful.
